Rolanda Merritt: I RE-EDITED IT FOR YOU, on the grounds which you HAD an excellent number of PUNCTUATION blunders AND MISSPELLED words. In my eyes, the region advance into very almost suitable. The delicate orange solar advance into up for the final minutes of the day. My denim coated legs have been tucked on the threshold of my chest, just to reassure myself that i will get by this discomfort on my own. It appeared that a million techniques and questions have been dashing by my head, yet in basic terms one question and one theory, i spotted. What could I do with out this place? My place. My in basic terms place to get removed from this loopy existence I stay and fill my lungs with air. It smells like chimney smoke and frosted cedar timber. the better area is that i will swing my my ft off a rocky cliff above an empty pond that over seems the city. definite, my place is optimal and advance into almost suitable. the only element lacking is that easy theory-approximately ho! w happy i could be if he tapped my shoulder and kissed my cheek on the different ingredient that I regarded. when I grew to become my head, there advance into no longer something yet lifeless leaves chasing one yet another interior the breeze. yet another rush of icy air brused up agianst my cheek bones, sending a shiver by my shoulders. for sure I felt like crying, yet all I felt advance into the corners of my lips pull up right into a grin, like an angel needed it to be there....Show more
Olin Hallin: oral is never good if it's short.lol. umm yeah I like it. I didn't laugh. Because someone has to do something pretty darn funny for me to laugh.I had to do an assignment similar to this in year 11. I wrote about getting sunburnt so bad my face swelled up over my eyes and I had to go to hospital. I had the class rolling and i had no idea how, I was hoping for a chuckle. But yeah nice speech, I especially like the end, with fathers swinging beneath the tree. Your teacher! will love that.And horray for Grafton! We used to drive throu! gh there on the way to see our family. I know hardcore relation there. And antique roadshow is so awesome. omg i'm such a noob...Show more
Nona Lentini: Psh... I like Antiques Roadshow and a marathon would be awesome... :-PBut that line in your speech kind of makes you seem like you're trying to feel sorry for you for having a boring life.I'm not saying you have a boring life. You probably have a really exciting one. I've been to Grafton. I ate in their McDonalds. It was awesome....Show more
Jana Sakasegawa: I think it's good, although there are a couple of things you can tighten up here and there. Unlike the previous answerer, I thought the Antiques Roadshow (note: it's not Antique Roadshows, as you've written) part was funny. Australian humour is typically self-deprecating, after all.Some edits I'd make are these:Paragraph One:* Unless you have to say so, cut 'Good afternoon...Mrs Buick' down to just 'Good afternoon' or even 'Hello'. I'd also cut out the next ! sentence, 'I'm here today...about myself' because I'm assuming everyone already knows why you're there and what you're doing.* I'd follow with something like, "I found choosing a funny story really hard/difficult because my life can be about as entertaining as an Antiques Roadshow marathon, but I hope you enjoy this tale of my humiliation."Paragraph Two:* I'd say something like "Four years ago, I lived in New South Wales and attended Grafton Public School. Every month the school would host a huge disco, and this particular incident happened at the last disco I went to before we moved. I asked my dad to pick me up at the end, then thought nothing more of him as I went to the disco and had a great time.Paragraph Three:* "At the end of the night, we lined up along the fence waiting for our parents as usual. I searched the crowd for my dad - and there he was! I groaned inwardly at the...um...interesting outfit he'd chosen to wear. In public. In front of all my friends. He was w! earing ugg boots teamed with his daggiest pyjamas - the ones covered wi! th pictures of dogs - and was obviously channelling Grandpa Highpants, because they were pulled up past his bellybutton. I looked away as Dad came closer, hoping that if I didn't draw attention to him, then maybe no-one else would notice the escapee from the lunatic asylum. When the teacher asked if I could see my dad yet, I pointed vaguely at a group of more suitably attired parents.Paragraph Four:* "I might have gotten away with it, if Dad hadn't suddenly yelled my name loudly enough for the whole school to hear. I ignored him, hoping he'd get the psychic messages I was sending him, pleading with him to have mercy or else I'd be the first person I'd ever heard of to die of embarrassment. Unfortunately, Dad wasn't psychically attuned, and instead of piping down he actually came closer, and started waving his arms around to get my attention! By now, the whole school was eyeing the strangely dressed crazy man who was yelling my name and gesticulating wildly. I gave up, and a! dmitted to the teacher that yes, THAT man was my father.In the car, when I accused him of being the most embarrassing father in the world, he just looked at me, smiled, and shook his head."Dads like me don't grow on trees, you know."And he was probably right. They usually swing beneath them!Thanks for listening."Of course, these are just my suggestions, and you're free to adopt them or not as you see fit. I find hyperbole (exaggeration) quite effective in humourous stories, and performance will also help, too. Practice it beforehand, putting feeling and emphasis into your presentation. Try some actions: roll your eyes, sigh dramatically, cringe, wave your arms around like your dad at the appropriate points.Good luck :-)...Show more
Sunshine Holets: Though it's not bad, instead of saying 'I have chosen the following because my life stories are about as entertaining as an Antique Roadshows marathon so I found choosing a funny story really hard!' you can say something in! sarcasm. For example 'Because of all of my wondrous stories I have sta! cked up, it was pretty tough to choose one.' This way, you're not really saying 'I don't have entertaining stories' but it's implied.I think the story itself is good!But I didn't laugh as much as you probably wanted. I feel bad when people are embarrassed by their parents. They're usually the ones who love you most and you should stick up for them and never be ashamed.I'm sure barely anyone feels how I do, so they'll probably think it's real funny!If you're reading this off of noted cards, make sure you look up a lot. Also, make sure you use appropriate facial expressions that go well with the different parts.Good luck :D...Show more
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